DEAL WITH CRITICISM
1. LISTEN IMPARTIALLY
Not showing any negative or defensive emotions when listening will stop you appearing vulnerable or fragile.
2. SUMMARIZE WHAT THE OTHER PERSON HAS SAID
This means you have understood them correctly and also that you have taken it all in.
3. ASK QUESTIONS
The more specific the criticism the more helpful. Find out what you did and when that gave them their impression. This will mean you will not make the same mistake again.
4. CRITICISM IS RARELY GROUNDLESS BUT OFTEN EXAGGERATED
Decide which elements are useful and what you can do differently to be more effective.
5. THINK ABOUT HOW THE PERSON WHO CRITICIZES YOU LOOKS AT THE WORLD
Could they have been trying to help? Are they under pressure themselves? Think about why they have these views about you. This could give you some useful self-awareness.
6. ASK THOSE WHO CRITICIZE YOU FOR THEIR ADVICE
By making them part of the solution they are less likely to criticise you in the future.
7. THANK PEOPLE WHO CRITICIZE YOU
Not only have they given you free information but you will also disarm them.
8. REFRAME CRITICISM WHICH FOCUSES ON WHAT WENT BADLY
Consider what positive steps you can take to improve in the future and what you have learnt from not succeeding.
9. IF YOU ARE ANGRY, TAKE IT OUT ON SOMETHING , NOT SOMEONE
It is understandable to be annoyed but not very useful.
10. PRAISE OTHERS FOR WHAT THEY ARE DOING WELL
It will give you the moral high ground and make you popular (as well as reinforcing productive behaviour).
Showing posts with label Communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Communication. Show all posts
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY
COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY
Win People’s Cooperation
1. Make people feel understood.
Spend less time trying to make people understand what you want, and more time making them feel understood. In an ideal world people might make decisions, commitments and judgments based on logic and sound reasoning. But in this world people act in response to their preferences, feelings and social influence they might not be even aware of. If they trust you and feel you care about them, they are much more likely to cooperate with you.
2. Find common ground
Show people how their needs, values and dreams mesh with yours. To do so, you have to understand their values and concerns. See things from their point of view. Be sympathetic with their feelings. Then show them how cooperating with you can help them achieve what they want.
3. Listen.
Listening is the best way to make people feel understood and at the same time to find common ground. Ask open-ended questions, the kind that invite people’s careful consideration and honesty. Try to understand what people mean, without getting hung up on the literal meaning of their words. And acknowledge their thoughts and feelings (which is not the same thing as agreeing with them).
4. Do not argue.
The person you defeat in an argument today may be the person whose cooperation you need tomorrow. Arguments make people stake out positions and defend them. And the more you try to prove them wrong, the harder they will resist you. People may feel overwhelmed and stop arguing with you. But that does not mean you have won them over. Most of the time, when you win an argument, you lose an ally.
5. Care about the people you want to influence.
If you are concerned about the people you are trying to win over, if you value their needs and dreams, they will know it and they will reciprocate.
6. Be open for other’s ideas.
Do not try to impose your ideas on others only. Listen to and value the ideas of the people that work for you or with whom you work together. Be open minded and feel confident with sharing the ideas with others. Even request for new ideas to gain people’s support and cooperation.
7. Help people believe the change is possible.
People often know, although they will not often admit, that they need to change. They feel a vague uneasiness, sensing that things will not pan out the way they want. But they persist in doing what they have always done, thinking they are doing the best they can. Show them a better way, but more importantly convince them that the change is possible. Do not just give them a solution but offer them confidence.
8. Time your request well.
There is a time and season for everything, especially for asking for support. When people are feeling stressed out, anxious, angry, resentful or threatened, they are not really receptive. Do what you can to reassure them and to make them feel safe, and you increase your chances of winning their support. Look for “moments of influence”, times when they feel capable and confident, and make your best case then.
Win People’s Cooperation
1. Make people feel understood.
Spend less time trying to make people understand what you want, and more time making them feel understood. In an ideal world people might make decisions, commitments and judgments based on logic and sound reasoning. But in this world people act in response to their preferences, feelings and social influence they might not be even aware of. If they trust you and feel you care about them, they are much more likely to cooperate with you.
2. Find common ground
Show people how their needs, values and dreams mesh with yours. To do so, you have to understand their values and concerns. See things from their point of view. Be sympathetic with their feelings. Then show them how cooperating with you can help them achieve what they want.
3. Listen.
Listening is the best way to make people feel understood and at the same time to find common ground. Ask open-ended questions, the kind that invite people’s careful consideration and honesty. Try to understand what people mean, without getting hung up on the literal meaning of their words. And acknowledge their thoughts and feelings (which is not the same thing as agreeing with them).
4. Do not argue.
The person you defeat in an argument today may be the person whose cooperation you need tomorrow. Arguments make people stake out positions and defend them. And the more you try to prove them wrong, the harder they will resist you. People may feel overwhelmed and stop arguing with you. But that does not mean you have won them over. Most of the time, when you win an argument, you lose an ally.
5. Care about the people you want to influence.
If you are concerned about the people you are trying to win over, if you value their needs and dreams, they will know it and they will reciprocate.
6. Be open for other’s ideas.
Do not try to impose your ideas on others only. Listen to and value the ideas of the people that work for you or with whom you work together. Be open minded and feel confident with sharing the ideas with others. Even request for new ideas to gain people’s support and cooperation.
7. Help people believe the change is possible.
People often know, although they will not often admit, that they need to change. They feel a vague uneasiness, sensing that things will not pan out the way they want. But they persist in doing what they have always done, thinking they are doing the best they can. Show them a better way, but more importantly convince them that the change is possible. Do not just give them a solution but offer them confidence.
8. Time your request well.
There is a time and season for everything, especially for asking for support. When people are feeling stressed out, anxious, angry, resentful or threatened, they are not really receptive. Do what you can to reassure them and to make them feel safe, and you increase your chances of winning their support. Look for “moments of influence”, times when they feel capable and confident, and make your best case then.
COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY
COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY
Win People’s Cooperation
1. Make people feel understood.
Spend less time trying to make people understand what you want, and more time making them feel understood. In an ideal world people might make decisions, commitments and judgments based on logic and sound reasoning. But in this world people act in response to their preferences, feelings and social influence they might not be even aware of. If they trust you and feel you care about them, they are much more likely to cooperate with you.
2. Find common ground
Show people how their needs, values and dreams mesh with yours. To do so, you have to understand their values and concerns. See things from their point of view. Be sympathetic with their feelings. Then show them how cooperating with you can help them achieve what they want.
3. Listen.
Listening is the best way to make people feel understood and at the same time to find common ground. Ask open-ended questions, the kind that invite people’s careful consideration and honesty. Try to understand what people mean, without getting hung up on the literal meaning of their words. And acknowledge their thoughts and feelings (which is not the same thing as agreeing with them).
4. Do not argue.
The person you defeat in an argument today may be the person whose cooperation you need tomorrow. Arguments make people stake out positions and defend them. And the more you try to prove them wrong, the harder they will resist you. People may feel overwhelmed and stop arguing with you. But that does not mean you have won them over. Most of the time, when you win an argument, you lose an ally.
5. Care about the people you want to influence.
If you are concerned about the people you are trying to win over, if you value their needs and dreams, they will know it and they will reciprocate.
6. Be open for other’s ideas.
Do not try to impose your ideas on others only. Listen to and value the ideas of the people that work for you or with whom you work together. Be open minded and feel confident with sharing the ideas with others. Even request for new ideas to gain people’s support and cooperation.
7. Help people believe the change is possible.
People often know, although they will not often admit, that they need to change. They feel a vague uneasiness, sensing that things will not pan out the way they want. But they persist in doing what they have always done, thinking they are doing the best they can. Show them a better way, but more importantly convince them that the change is possible. Do not just give them a solution but offer them confidence.
8. Time your request well.
There is a time and season for everything, especially for asking for support. When people are feeling stressed out, anxious, angry, resentful or threatened, they are not really receptive. Do what you can to reassure them and to make them feel safe, and you increase your chances of winning their support. Look for “moments of influence”, times when they feel capable and confident, and make your best case then.
Win People’s Cooperation
1. Make people feel understood.
Spend less time trying to make people understand what you want, and more time making them feel understood. In an ideal world people might make decisions, commitments and judgments based on logic and sound reasoning. But in this world people act in response to their preferences, feelings and social influence they might not be even aware of. If they trust you and feel you care about them, they are much more likely to cooperate with you.
2. Find common ground
Show people how their needs, values and dreams mesh with yours. To do so, you have to understand their values and concerns. See things from their point of view. Be sympathetic with their feelings. Then show them how cooperating with you can help them achieve what they want.
3. Listen.
Listening is the best way to make people feel understood and at the same time to find common ground. Ask open-ended questions, the kind that invite people’s careful consideration and honesty. Try to understand what people mean, without getting hung up on the literal meaning of their words. And acknowledge their thoughts and feelings (which is not the same thing as agreeing with them).
4. Do not argue.
The person you defeat in an argument today may be the person whose cooperation you need tomorrow. Arguments make people stake out positions and defend them. And the more you try to prove them wrong, the harder they will resist you. People may feel overwhelmed and stop arguing with you. But that does not mean you have won them over. Most of the time, when you win an argument, you lose an ally.
5. Care about the people you want to influence.
If you are concerned about the people you are trying to win over, if you value their needs and dreams, they will know it and they will reciprocate.
6. Be open for other’s ideas.
Do not try to impose your ideas on others only. Listen to and value the ideas of the people that work for you or with whom you work together. Be open minded and feel confident with sharing the ideas with others. Even request for new ideas to gain people’s support and cooperation.
7. Help people believe the change is possible.
People often know, although they will not often admit, that they need to change. They feel a vague uneasiness, sensing that things will not pan out the way they want. But they persist in doing what they have always done, thinking they are doing the best they can. Show them a better way, but more importantly convince them that the change is possible. Do not just give them a solution but offer them confidence.
8. Time your request well.
There is a time and season for everything, especially for asking for support. When people are feeling stressed out, anxious, angry, resentful or threatened, they are not really receptive. Do what you can to reassure them and to make them feel safe, and you increase your chances of winning their support. Look for “moments of influence”, times when they feel capable and confident, and make your best case then.
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